Consistency

I'm trying to be more consistent with my bloggings.  If that's even a word... wait it's not, because the red line just popped up underneath it.  Oh well, I made it a word.

I'm drinking a cup of hot cocoa in a mug that someone got me.  I can't remember who got me it, but whoever did, thank you because it's cute and it keeps my cocoa warm.

I think my dog is getting the hang of potty training.  That's one thing I've been consistent with.  I've read over and over how dachshunds are hard to potty train.  Believe me he's had his share of accidents, one in which he pooped at Kaylee's house, but that's been forgiven. :)

Another thing I'm trying to be consistent with again is working out.  I used to love working out.  When I was doing P90x or Insanity I was working out 6 days a week.  In hindsight that may have been a bit overkill, but I was pumped up.

I recently joined a gym.  I like it so far.  I usually do the elliptical or run on the treadmill.  Tonight I did a Zumba class and let me just say that it is SOOO fun.  I get to shake my booty, hips, and pop it, with no judgment.  It's great.  I know I probably look dumb doing it, but nobody notices.  Everyone else is trying to work on the  moves and watching themselves do it.

To give you a little taste of it, here's a short video.  Doesn't it look like SO MUCH fun?

Dreams

I've always had pretty vivid dreams, and I can usually remember at least one dream a night.
I had a great dream last night, and I thought I'd better hurry and write it down before I forgot the details.

I dreamt that my Dad was sitting at a table with 3 remotes.  He was going to explain to me how to use each of them with the TV.  (Which is funny because he would always call my brother or me to help him figure out how to use the remote with the TV.)

I asked him if he knew that he wasn't in this world anymore, that he wasn't supposed to be here.  He knew it, but he had to show me the remotes first.  I asked him again if he knew that he's not in this body and that he's not alive.  He said, "I know baby, but I have to show you these remotes."

I asked him what it was like where he was.  He said, "Ohhh, it's beautiful.  So peaceful.  Just beautiful."
I asked him if he ever saw Jesus. He said, "We see him every now and then when he comes out of His pyramid, but we ALWAYS feel his presence.  We feel it all the time, kind of like you do here, but way more intense."

That's all I remember of my dream.  I thought it was a beautiful dream, it gave me some peace.  I don't remember if he ever showed me how to use the remotes. :)  Although, I doubt that was the point of the dream.

2011

As December is just around the corner (tomorrow), it made me start thinking about 2011.
I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions for 2 reasons.
//one// I aim toward the goal for about a week and then I forget about them conveniently.
//two// It seems as though making it a "New Years Resolution" equals automatic failure no matter what it is.

I used to do the whole, "This year, I want to be healthy and lose 25 lbs!"
Two days later, I'm sitting on my couch surrounded by empty bags of chips, stuffing my face with Oreos and weeping uncontrollably.

Instead of New Years Resolutions, I am making a list of "Things I want to accomplish in 2011".
Same thing?  Maybe.  Worded differently? Yes.


Here is my list thus far:

1. Complete a 5K

  2. Complete a 10K (after the 5K of course) 

                                                          

       

3. Study for and Pass my CCRN (Certified Critical Care Registered Nurse)

4.  Make a budget and stick to it.

5. Take a vacation out of the country

This is all I have for now... I believe this is a good start though.

Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on?

Isn't it amazing how a song can take you back, back to a memory... A moment in time that was either good or bad, but for some reason that song and in an instant it was stamped in your brain.

Delta Dawn by Tanya Tucker...  One of the songs I would always put in my cassette player and sing for my mom & dad, and for my brother even though he hated to hear me sing.  It also reminds me of my High School Spanish teacher.  One time in class he started singing it.

Does anybody use Myspace anymore?  I think it's mainly used for music nowadays.  I got on there today for the first time in probably 4 months. I'm not really sure why I have an account.  I wonder when the next new thing is going to come into play and facebook & twitter will be booted out?

Speaking of booted, has anyone heard that song "Toot it and Boot it"?  It's got a catchy beat, and I'm pretty sure it's a song about a guy who takes girls home from clubs, sleeps with them, and kicks them out.  I could be wrong though, for the longest time I thought it said, "That's what I do to them booties".
Not the most clear lyrics.

I don't know how many songs I sing that I assume they say one thing and I really don't care to look up the lyrics, and it's way off.  I had a friend in college who thought on Alanis Morrissette's song "Ironic", when it says, "and who would of thought, it figures"... she thought it said, "and who would of thought, it's the earth."   My other friend thought the song by Ke$ha started out saying, "Wake up in the morning lookin' like P. Diddy" when it's actually "Wake up in the morning feelin like P. Diddy".  We teased her that she woke up one morning and yelled, "Aaah I'm a black man!".

Anyway, whether or not you like Ellen Degeneres, misheard lyrics always reminds me of one of her jokes from her show "Here & Now".

Skip ahead to about 2:39 and it's where she talks about it. So funny...

Dexter

This little boy is a turkey, but he brightens my day everyday.

I love this little pup.

He is 16 weeks old.  Hyper, but snuggly.  I'm working on potty training him... which is a big feat considering I live on the second floor.  He is a dachshund, not a miniature, but he was the runt.

He's had some problems with tracheitis and gastritis, but he's getting better and worth every cent I've had to spend at the vet.

Yes, I named him after one of my favorite TV shows: Dexter.

No, he's not a serial killer puppy.

No, he's not mean and he's not going to be.  

One day I'll get him a brother or a sister, but not until I get a house with a backyard.

I adopted him from LowRider Dachshund Rescue.  This lady and her husband take in dachshunds from puppy mills, off the street, and people who can't take care of them anymore.  She has over 20 dogs and 10 puppies.  Her house is super clean, the dogs are taken very good care of, and they have their vaccinations & spayed/neutered.

If you are in the market and want to give a dog a forever home, I would recommend this place 100%.

Getting back to life

I had dealt with death quite a bit being an ICU nurse.
I had never lost anyone close to me however.  My Grandma died when I was 5.  I remember feeling  sad, but I don't remember much about it.  My other grandparents had passed away before I was old enough to remember or before I was born.

It's amazing how your whole world can be turned upside down in one moment.

September 16th at 8:00 am was that moment for me.

I had just gotten off work and was sound asleep when I got a phone call nobody ever wants to get.

My Dad had died.

Typing those words still doesn't seem real to me.

Grief is a weird thing.  You learn about the stages of grief, yet they jumble into your life minute to minute.

It's true you don't really know until you experience the loss of someone so close to you.

You can't REALLY understand... at least I couldn't before this happened to me.

Days are getting better.  I still have those moments that hit me like a brick in the chest and all I can do is cry.  There's always a dull ache in my heart, and I'm sure that won't ever really go away.  Some days I'm doing good, and some days it's forced happiness and smiles.  Sometimes I feel angry that other people are happy, then I feel guilty for feeling angry, and then I get sad.  Sometimes I don't understand why everyone else's world has kept going while mine has stopped.  There are little triggers that come out of nowhere.  The other day I was in my patient's room and a song came on the TV that reminded me of him.

It's the deepest pain I have ever felt.  

The man that was around me, raised me, and supported me the best way he could for my 25 years of life, is no longer here on this Earth.  I can't ever again hear his voice, smell his aftershave, hear his corny jokes, or see him turn the channel 800 times a minute.

Sometimes I feel like people think I should be "over" this by now.  While as the days go on it gets better, I will never be "over" it.. just learning to living in a new sense of "normal."

I am so blessed with my mother and brother  and my friends. God has carried us through it and I know He has been there holding us in our darkest times.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress, my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.  Psalm 31:9

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:25-30

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, "they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes  Revelation 7:15-17

As my brother's wedding and the holidays approach, along with rejoicing there will be sadness.

Prayers for my family and I are still appreciated. 

We are so grateful for the cards, visits, food, and prayers from everyone.

love.

piercing.

I found out that where I work, they really don't care about facial piercings unless I have them chained up and what not.  I have been wanting my eyebrow pierced for a long time, but in my line of work, I never thought it would be feasible.

Me and my friend Kaylee went to 23rd Street Body Piercing and the guy (Jason) that pierced it was great.  It was all sterile, and he was professional, but fun.  Kaylee was the nervous one, and she didn't get anything done.  She was nervous talking, which kept me laughing, and Jason laughing too.

I must say, it turned out pretty cute.

It's going to take 2-3 months to heal.

When it does heal, I plan to get one more piercing and then I'll be done.  After that, I will start getting my tattoos one by one.  I read on a forum the other day when someone asked, 

I'm considering getting my first tattoo. How do I know when I've thought of an idea good enough to be sure I want it permanently on my body?

The answer?

        it won't be there permanently, eventually you'll die and then later you'll get a new body. 
                   pick something that looks cool and that you're okay with looking at every day.

                             HAHA. love it.